There is an old joke - in which a young man hears that a wise guru possesses the secret of Eternal Life. He sets forth to find the guru and learn his secret.
He travels for days, flying to India, then hiking through the treacherous mountain passes of the Himalayas. Finally, after much painful struggle, he arrives at the cave where the ascetic guru is said to reside.
And sure enough, the old man comes out of the cave and greets his visitor happily.
"How may I help you?"
The young man replies, "I hear that you possess the secret of Eternal Life. Would you be kind enough to share it with me, O Great One?"
"Oh, yes, indeed, yes.
"First, you must refrain from eating rich foods.
"Second, you must abstain from strong drink. You writing this down?"
"Yes, of course, O Great One."
"OK. Third, you must avoid the company of fast women, women of questionable morals."
"Right. No rich foods, no strong drink, no slutty women. And if I follow these instructions, I will live forever?"
The old guru shook his head sadly.
"No, my son. But it will seem like it!"